Yep as the title suggests, this post is about actual poo. Small Monkey may read this one day and not appreciate it, however it makes me laugh so I’m gonna go ahead and suffer the consequences innnn….ah 16yrs or so!! 😀
Let me ask a question first…why in God’s name is toddler poo so stinky? How can something so bad come out of somebody so small? I’m not saying I smell of roses and flower petals, although if you were to ask, I do not poo. I had my poo glands removed, however if I was to poo, yes it would actually smell of roses and other gorgeous flowers, of course!
Anyway….Poo story number one….this is set not long after Small Monkey started walking and we were still getting into the swing of breakfast. Our little routine, so to speak, was get up, change the “night” bum and then we’re ready for brekkie. For some reason this particular morning, I didn’t change his nappy straight away, it must have felt like there was still space in there, but I did take his pj’s off so he just had his vest on. So I was in the bedroom, when Small Monkey strolls in, proudly holding up his finger to show me something orange stuck to the tip of it. I lunged at him to grab it, ‘cos you just dunno what these little people pick up, he went to shove it in his mouth, but I caught him. I took it off his finger, I’m looking at it, it’s soft and squishy. It’s a CARROT!!! Where the jayzus did he get a carrot? I mopped the floors and tidied the kitchen the night before….the night before when we had carrots with dinner!!! I knew then what it was, but I still put my finger to my nose for a sniff….it was a carrot, a POO CARROT!!! From his nappy!!! He’d somehow had a sneaky poo and picked it out of his nappy!!! Jayzus!!
Poo story number two; It’s summer, we’re on a train to see my sister and I always take Small Monkey out of the buggy to sit in the seat beside me, so he can look out the window. Everything’s cool. I’ve put him on the seat, he’s standing looking out the window, I turn back to the buggy to make sure the brakes are on, and turn back to him again. There’s something on the seat, it’s small, about 2inches long and chocolate coloured. Oh good jeezus, it’s POO!!!!!I look at Small Monkey’s legs, there’s nothing there….no escaping poo marks. I grab a wipe to dispose of this mysterious poo and it’s when I pick it up, as if by magic both it and Small Monkey start to stink! For feck sake!! It was as if picking up the escaped poo had tripped a switch and Lord God was it kicking up. Of course I changed him but man, was I baffled as to how this piece of poo escaped what seemed to be an “escape-tight” nappy and got down his leg without a mark. Imagine if he’d been wearing trousers?!! It would’ve been trapped in there, squashing around on his leg!! Bleugh!!
So there ya go, nothing like a coupla poo stories to start your day! You’re welcome!