London. Sad & scared.

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I’m washing up, there are a lot of sirens tonight…….At 10.57 my sister in law text me to ask where I was. I said I was home, why? They had been watching the news at home and London Bridge had been closed off. I turned on BBC News…..

I feel sick, I feel sad and scared. I’ve never felt this way about previous terror attacks. I mean of course, I’ve felt sad and worried but I cried. I cried for London like I did for Manchester. I didn’t know anyone directly affected by the Manchester attack, but I cried. I don’t know if it hurt more because it was mainly kids and young people that were at the concert, and now I have my own kid and that, although we don’t go to concerts yet, we do sometimes make our way to places that could be considered more of a target than others. Jeez, a coupla weeks before my friend and her daughter were at an Ed Sheeran concert back home…..it could have been them.

My hubby is currently at work at Waterloo, a mainline station. With Eurostar access. A tube station. Sitting on Southbank. In the shadow of the London Eye. Tourist central. Add to that it’s almost on top of St. Thomas’ Hospital and the Houses of Parliament, shur you might as well paint a big fat red X on the area! I’ve rang him, he’s ok. The station is getting busier as people are coming in trying to find alternative routes home. He says there are police all over the place and they have been told to be extra vigilant. I’d like him to be at home now, vigilant means feck all when a loon with a death wish wants to take out every average Joe around him. At this moment I don’t want him at Waterloo, I don’t want us in London, I want to go home.

My little boy is tucked up in bed, I’ve just gone up to check on him and give him kisses ‘cos I can. He woke up and asked me if it was time to get up. No baby, it’s not. Little does he know that I’ve just watched families with little kids like him be evacuated from their homes, for fear of harm or death. Why should he know, he’s only four. Why in this modern, multicultural, first world, ” super-power” (although I think that too may fade in the coming months….aah politics!) of a country should he have to live in fear? (Yes…before anybody goes on a rant about the terror in the rest of the world, I fully agree no person anywhere should have to live in fear). I look at his beautiful little face now and hope it stays beautiful and happy despite the bad things happening. I hope the world doesn’t harden it and make it cruel.

We have a 1st birthday to go to tomorrow, a day to celebrate and enjoy a little boy growing up. Of course there will be lots of other little boys and girls there, and lots of parents and minders anticipating their futures, but the world is becoming a scary place, England….London is a scary place. Terror threats and terrorist acts are becoming more frequent. Children as young as 13 carry weapons and some use them! I fear for my son’s future. This may seem harsh but at moments like this I sometimes question whether it would be fair to bring another child into a world like this. This is my thought and it shocks even myself.

What is happening? Where is the madness coming from? Why is there so much hate? Who in the name of any God, thinks it’s a good idea or thinks their God promotes going out and destroying lives? The lives of people you don’t even know!! Why was our terror threat level dropped ? Would it have made any difference? The worse thing about this is, when it has all been investigated, we’ll be told that at least one if not all of these attackers were “known” to the police or are on “The Watch List”.  I think it’s absolutely ridiculous that we have to wait for these people to do the damage before any action can be taken. Clearly if they are being watched it’s for a reason! There is already evidence against them, surely? I don’t want to live in fear and I don’t want to get used to living with the threat of terror. I feel like maybe we’re trying to be to p.c about everything and that the police aren’t given the power they need to carry out the work that needs to be done due to this. This country, this city is broken. Ugh! I dunno lads…I’m not saying instill some kinda marshall law but jeezus, the paper shuffling and the watching needs to stop!

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With that little rant over, I’ll leave you with the thoughts of many people tonight, a thought I’ll be trying to instill into my boy, that despite the 2 or 4 attackers trying to bring us down tonight, for every one of them there are 10 or 20 people willing or trying to help.

I hope you and yours are safe tonight,

Love Donna x

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