The Quest to be a Golden Child

IMG_20150510_001320Yep…summer’s a coming! It can only mean one thing…my yearly battle to look less white! This year, though it seems more important, like I NEED to succeed. See, I’ve lost a little weight, my friend’s wedding is looming, it’s mine and hubby’s first official baby-free outting since Monkey was born (22mths ago!!!), so I wanna look the SHIZZLE! Plus IF I succeed it means I don’t have to explain to my work colleagues that the reason I’m still wearing tights  (nude, of course…it is summer!) is, if I were to go without the sun’s rays reflecting off them would surely blind them.

I begin with a total body scrub down…twice…ya know…cos I’m coming outta winter (and don’t do it nearly as often as I should). Then have a wash with me nice “give your skin a drink” as I like to call it, shower gel….shave legs, etc…wash again and out I get. I feel smoooooth, like a baby’s bum. Right, so, simple enough…rub on in circles, evenly, like moisturiser. Wash hands immediately, don’t want stains in between me fingers. Grand job. Done. Smells ok. Do a little dance, scan hairline for an visible grey hairs whilst giving “the bod” time to dry.

Next morning, checking myself out to see just how much of a “glow” I have…hmmm….can’t notice any difference really…oh, ah…wait…yes! I have two orange “stains” about the size of 50p’s on my knees. Fan-fecking-tastic!! Slipping my watch onto my wrist…..wahey…guess what…I have oompah loompah wrists!!! I don’t understaaaand!!! I did everything the bottle said….blah…the only things glowing right now are my knees and wrists!!! And it’s not even a sexy glow…jayzus!! Ok, I’m not giving up that easy. I give it a day and before bed the next night and apply another coat, taking care to pretty much leave out my knees and lower arms. Third morning in…woooo….my arms look like they’ve picked up a light tan….yay!! I notice later in the day though, my hands have never looked as white…booooo!!

I’m now planning on trying (once Superdrugs has it back in) the Cocoa Brown range recommended by Bebhinn from A Judge Less Life. Fingers crossed or should I just be content to have no white bits and be proud of being “one big white bit”?

What ye guys think?