Wedding guest prep….eeek!

‘Tis the eve before the wedding and in my house….the poop has hit the fan. Why is it when you’re going somewhere nothing goes to plan? Eugh!

Firstly let me just say, I finally attempted the self tan. I managed to get hold of some Cocoa Brown Tan whilst I was home. I’m going to review in another post, but for now let me just tell you, I’m cooking.

The Facebook hair tutorial was easy when you tried it last week whilst cleaning the bathroom…but now…ha haa…now! By jayzus if I could bic it, I would. So I search for something else, I always either wear my hair in a pony or just straighten it, I wanted something a bit different. There are so many to choose from once you hit yoooou toooob. The styles I like though, of course require a thicker head of hair. Aaaaagh…hair…I hate you so much right now! (Did you just sing that to the scream of Kelis? Yep! Good…that’s what I was going for.) Eugh…something will work in the morning.

Still cooking.

I decide to paint my nails. I apologise now to nail technicians everywhere for the 20150531_233737-1state of my nails anyway. So anywho… It’s rare that I do this, I have a weird index and middle finger on each hand…they point off to the left and the right, but my other fingers are straight.(It doesn’t bother me, apart from I think they look strange). Plus my nail care regime is poop, as you can see in the pics. I seen this really cool facebook tutorial that I’m going to try. You dab 2-4 colours on a makeup sponge and then press the sponge onto your nail. Simples! Heh heh…not for meeee! I mean it worked but my colour combo just made me look like I had gangrene or something. 20150530_002643-1Dammit! Oh well, I’ll remove it and go plain. Easy peasy you say…nah ah! The gangrene nail varnish has dried on my fingers around my nails too and although it’s coming off with the remover, there’s blue and orange trapped down the sides of my nails, under them and in my cuticles. Cue my sister rubbing the hell outta my nails with a pointy cotton bud. Ouch! Right so gangrene gone, I’ll paint them blue. I paint my right, my sis paints my left. I need them dry asap, I’m getting annoyed with them now so I do the cold water trick. Fill the sink in cold water, dip in wet nails. Viola! Done! Feels dry, yes, won this time nails, screw you! Ha ha say my nails…no chance, after drying them in the towel, the paint on a couple of nails has dragged. Fecking hellfire! It’s ok, the second coat will hide it…hahahahaha! This was such a bad idea. It just emphasises how bad my nails are…but feck it now it’s hiding the mess the orange and blue left behind. *sigh* 150531111829

Tip: pick colours that work together better and remove nail polish on fingers before it dries.

Ping! I’m cooked. I hop in the shower 3hrs later to rinse off the tan. Hmm, I’m not seeing too much of a glow. I ask my sister, you still look white. Ah for jayzus sake! I obviously just repel any kind of tan, real or fake. Like seriously lads, the Spanish obviously didn’t hit up to many of my ancestors when the Armada bounced of the west coast. Still, though I’m going to give the tan another run when I’m better prepared.

Next morning, in the cold light of day, yep, I can’t see much of a difference, on go IMG-20150523-WA0006the nude tights…..oooh my hands look nice and golden. Make-up done, looking ok even if my skin did decide to have some sorta mental break down and choose now to become dry and scaley. I got round it, 10 tonnes of moisturiser later and a little help from the sister…onto the wig! Right, lets try the knot thingy we seen on FB and go from there. My sister proceeds to tie bunches of my hair together in knots, all the time saying, eugh, it’s so wiry or it reminds me of our brother’s hair that time, when we used to call him mushroom head. Great stuff, thanks sis. Anywho with a few twists and loops and a couple butterflies (to hide the sticky out bits) later, I’m ready and I don’t look three bad!

Haaa body! I won!!!
Haaa body! I won!!!