I’ve just sat down to have a wee and I hear “Mammy, where are you?”. “In the bathroom sweet, what’s up?… What you doing?”….I raise my eyebrows…”having a wee”. “I have wee too” and the door flings open. Ugh! The three minutes of me (wee) time is gone, but he is the cutest thing I ever seen so I don’t mind sharing my bathroom time to much. “Look Mammy, look what I got” as he holds his little hand up to me. I can see he has something tiny between his thumb and index finger. “What ya got Baby?”. He smiles at me….a boogie he says! “Ah for Gods sake, Monkey will ya stop picking your nose, it’s disgusting!” “NO!” I’m still sitting on the loo…in real life the time that all this has elapsed in is much quicker than how it might seem now…don’t forget I’m using a lot of descriptive words and such. 🙂 “C’mere! Give me that now ” and I make a lunge at him, knickers still round me ankles. He tries to make a dash out the door but I catch him and grab the boogie out of his fingers.
“IT’S MY BOOGIEEEE, I WANT IIIIT! IT’S MY BOOGIEEEEEE! I WANT IT! I WANT IT!” Small Monkey wails. Lord God!! It’s a snot for God’s sake! So of course I ask him what is he going to do with it, carry it round with him all day? YES, he says! Jeezus! There are real tears now and feet stamping over a BOOGIE! The poor child will have a complete meltdown when he’s 21 and the bouncer in the pub tells him he’s had at least 40 mins drinking up and takes his drink!! “IT’SSSS MYYY BOOOGIEEEEE! I WANNNNT IT!”. God almighty, I sort meself out and stand up mumbling about getting no peace and stop being annoying. He’s regained some sort of composure and pipes up “YOU annoy ME!” . By jayzus! I’m smirking all the same.
We’ve progressed to the kitchen now and agreed that I should make dinner. “Right Sausage, what will we have for dinner?”. He still hasn’t forgiven me for thiefing his precious boogie, “I NOT sausage, I *Small Monkey* Ikel Eldridge Monkey Beans”. I smile, to which I’m told it’s not funny. Anyway he climbs up on the chair and says he wants an orange. I tell him no, dinner will only be a few minutes, he says ok. It’s all gravy and I naively head out to get dinner out of the back fridge. Yep! As you might have guessed, in the two seconds I was gone, he’s bored a hole into an orange trying to peel it. “Oi you farty bum, I said no oranges ’til after dinner” and I take the orange off of him. He didn’t give in easy and wailing ensued again…..ugggggh!! “I WANT A ORANGE! I WANT A ORANGE!”. “Your dinner is nearly ready” (it’s not, it’s about 20mins away but he’s not starving, he’d ate a packet of Wotsits and half an apple about 10mins before “Boogiegate”…..I might hashtag that…#boogiegate…hee hee hee….anywho….) “I DON’T WANT DINNER, I WANT ORANGE! I WANT ORANGE! I. WANT. A. ORANGE!” “Look, your dinner won’t be long ok and then you can have an orange ok?”. Ugh…Gawwwd! He’s killing me with these demands so I try a slightly harder approach….”Monkey, who’s the boss?” ME he says with a little stamp. I give him the eye…ya know like “The Rock” eye and ask him in a slightly sterner voice…”MAMMY the boss”. He’s not impressed as I say yeah Mammy’s the boss and this is not a democracy, “it is a ‘mocracy” was his reply. Aah this kid he kills me.
We’ve reached a moment of peace now, and when I say a moment I mean a moment ‘cos at the very mention of “your dinosaurs are nearly done” the third meltdown follows. Apparently he doesn’t like them, of course he informs me of this in the now customary wailing fashion. ( I really wonder where he gets the “anger” from. Myself and hubster don’t really argue and if we do it’s more a case of us both walking round tick and not talking.) Anyway dinner has eventually appeared (20mins must be 2hrs in toddler time, like in real time, those three arguments were within minutes of each other, possibly less!) we sit there, eating our dinner…yep he’s eating the dinosaurs and I ask the little monkey if he’s calmed down now to which I’m informed he’s not talking to me!!! I reply back with “fine, I’m not talking to you” and we both eat our peas, him looking out at me from under his curly wurly fringe.
“Mammy, can we play snaps now?”
“Of course we can sweetheart”.
Aaaah the joys! ❤ ❤